Online Journal Entries from November

journal entries of a xennial American man
Photo by: Timothy Rowland. Created via Canva.com

I started to create an online journal some time back. It only ended up with two entries, but before the whole thing goes away, I wanted to share those journal entries here with you. So, here we go…

November 20th 2021- Quick Introduction to My Journaling Blog

Well, this is a journal entry, so here’s the blunt truth right up front: It’s past 1:30 AM and I’m writing this just to start off this journaling blog. This site was taken down years ago, but I recently decided that I needed to put my thoughts and random things somewhere. I have a lot that I can teach people and don’t always want to write out a proper article; so, this site has been re-born.

I have been a writer for over twenty years, but have only recently decided to try to make my career exclusively writing. I have failed at most things in my life, including my life itself, and think that until I make my talent and passion, my full time career I probably won’t be successful.

I’m turning 42 next month and my current life is back to being in the same situation that it always yo-yo’s back to eventually. Anyway, I have been trying to re-launch blogs, including some new ones that I am excited about. However, because of the situation and admittingly my failure to keep the determination and self-discipline to make them work faster, I’ve decided that I will shift my focus for the time being.

Starting today (technically today) I am going to focus my writing efforts on just publishing to Medium and Vocal Media… along with eventually managing to publish to Kindle Vella as well. Other than that, I’m going to focus a lot more efforts on just applying to staff writer and contract writer positions listed on Indeed. Having said that, I am going to also build out my site for freelance work. The biggest shift, other than not writing many (if any) posts for the blogs, will be that all marketing and similar efforts will also go toward marketing my freelance site instead of the other blogs.

Finally Watching Big Bang Theory

On another note and to get my mind away from my failing career and self for a moment; I am finally watching Big Bang Theory. I am buying the seasons one at a time on Amazon Prime. As I write this, I’ve made it to Season 4 Episode 3; which I will watch tomorrow.

Yes, it is taking time away that I should spend on career efforts, but I really wanted to watch it and it has allowed me to escape mentally and figure out what I needed to do. Strange thought, but finally doing something that most would consider “goofing off” has actually helped me to mentally step back and realize that I needed to shift my efforts and planning in a more realistic direction.

Anyway, it’s a really awesome show! I’m really loving every episode. I’ve spoiled a lot of things for myself because for a while before starting to watch the show, I was watching clips on YouTube. In fact, that’s partly what made me finally say screw it and start watching the show. Yes, I’m buying the seasons with my financial aid check.

Christmas is Coming!

Obviously, I’m writing this in November so, Christmas is just next month. I had bought presents for Mom, Dad, and Chris, but after a bit I realized I wasn’t happy with that being it. Especially since I ended up getting mom a bunch of adult coloring books and some colored pencils. Anyway, today I finally finished the designs for each one and put in the order on Printify. I even made Aunt Kathy a ceramic wall sign with pictures that include Daniel, David, and her. I’ll give her the present before Christmas though, because I don’t want to upset her during the holiday. I could have done better, but it turned out to be a decent design.

Going to Bed

Well, I ended up writing more than I thought I was going to for the night (shocker), but I’m going to go outside and then go to bed. It’s 2 AM now. I can’t say that this will be a daily journal, but I am going to try to write here when I have something worth saying or when I feel like sharing something about myself or my day with the world who is either nosey enough or bored enough to read it.

November 22nd 2021- This Journal and Mixed Emotions

This Journaling Blog

I don’t think I explained a few things about this journaling blog in my last (first) entry. Unlike every other blog I create content for and put online, this journal will not be concerned with SEO or any “proper” blogging concerns. I am going to just write what I want, when I want and how I want upon these posts. This is my getaway or relief from having to worry about keyword research or any type of SEO or any of that kind of stuff. Just a place to put my thoughts and make a record of emotions and more.

Because of that, it is very unlikely that many people will ever find their way here and read any of this. I decided to keep the site public and discoverable though, just for the hell of it really. Like all sites, eventually it will literally “accidently” start to rank for some keywords, but they will probably remain somewhere around the 9th page or so; meaning nobody will ever see it anyway. Who knows. Don’t care really…and that’s the point.

Big Bang Theory

Still buying seasons and watching Big Bang Theory. Loving that show. Right now I am on season 6. Before I go to bed I’m going to watch one more episode; episode five of the sixth season. Probably partly what is keeping my current feelings and thoughts in the forefront of my mind, but it’s worth it to keep enjoying the show.

As I figured when I started watching the show, I’ll probably end up buying every season and finishing the whole series. Hopefully, Amazon will keep them all in my account for future watching too. Even though, I do plan to buy the whole series on Blu-ray eventually.

Recent Thoughts and Emotions

Despite the heading I’m giving this section, it’s not like these thoughts and emotions are new to me in the slightest. Recently, it has just occurred to me even stronger than usual that:

  • I’ve wasted so much of my life I’ll never get back.
  • I’ve never fully liked myself at any point that I can remember.
  • I’m scared about who I am and who I may never be
  • and a lot more.

At least a few times a day I even flash to all the little things that will be so cool when I finally can make them reality. All the way down to how I want to design my own things around the house like the shower curtain, wall decorations, and more. Of course, I can’t do that right now. Just thinking my place will be so cool and maybe even be “me” for a change. Even when I’ve had my own place (for brief periods of time) none of them ever became a reflection of who I am or even what I like.

I turn 42 next month and it occurs to me that I don’t think I truly know who I am entirely. That thought depresses me, saddens me, and honestly… scared the hell out of me. Anyway, there is way too much to unpack going down the rabbit hole that is my emotions and thoughts right now. It’s currently 2:07 AM, so instead, I’m just going to cut this entry off here and watch the next episode of BBT then go to bed.

Well… one more unrelated note though… I’ve decided to concentrate on just my freelance writing career, while still posting to Medium and Vocal Media. Also, Kindle Vella once I finally finish the series and publish it…then write and publish more. I did manage to finish the working version of my Freelance Site Online (https://timothyrowland.com) so now I just have to market the site and hope. Still searching for another writing income source on Indeed too. Anyway, it’s now 2:10 AM. Time for Big Bang Theory, then bed.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Well, those are the two journal entries I had. I wrote another article here that talks about the benefits of starting a journaling blog. If you’d like to check that out, you can find it here…

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store